


Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

by gatergirl79



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mildly Dubious Consent, No Beta, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Post Children of Earth, Post-Loss, Retcon (Torchwood), Spoilers: Doctor Who, Spoilers: Torchwood - Season 1 - Children of Earth, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:39:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3512099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatergirl79/pseuds/gatergirl79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's back on earth, back running Torchwood but he's got a secret obsession, a way to deal with the pain of losing Ianto and it's going to lead him to the turning point of his dead lovers life. Spoilers: Doctor Who/Torchwood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick couple of notes: This takes place two years after C.o.E. Miracle Day never happened.The new Torchwood team consists of…. Andy Davidson, Gwen's ex-police partner. Lois Habiba recruited by Gwen during C.o.E. Hannah Johnson who was the government officer sent to eliminate Jack during CoE. (Jack recruited her figuring they needed a badass on the team who isn't afraid to do what needs to be done. - Her first name was invented by me as it was never given in the show.) Previously posted on DeviantART. Though this is a revised version, with a few little changes.
> 
> NO BETA, WILL HAVE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR MISTAKE. You've been warned. 
> 
> Hope you like anyway.

_Saturday, April 5_ _th_ _2006_

_London, England_

He knew he shouldn't do it but he just couldn't stop himself, in those hours, when it just became too hard to live and breathe. On those days and nights when not a single other person in the world can fill the hole inside him, he found himself seeking out the only person he knew without a doubt could ease the pain.

None of his co-workers knew of course, not even Gwen. She knew that life was hard for him some days, but she had no idea what those days lead him to do. Sometimes she made it worse with that sympathetic look in her eyes and the way she'd try to make things easier. When she avoided bring up the past just in case it brought the shadow to his features.

Jack stood at the door of the pub and watched the attractive dark haired man, the hand in his pocket rolling a small white pilled between his fingers. Every time he came he felt ashamed of himself, but he needed this. - He needed _him_. Even if he it was only for an hour or so, he had to touch him again.

Two drunken men shouldered past Jack complaining loudly at his decision to stand in the doorway of a busy London pub, on a busy Saturday night. Jack just smiled apologetically at them and moved into the bar. Their loud exchange with Jack had captured the attention of most of the bar and when those blue eyes met Jack's, he thought they shone with recognition, which of course was impossible; Jack never left him with the memories. He couldn't allow him to remember, it was too dangerous. There were some rules not even Jack Harkness broke.

Jack smiled as he walked up to the bar and stood beside the younger man, his heart pounding as it always did. He could smell his subtle aftershave despite the bar being filled with spilt drinks, women with too much perfume and men battling to equal them. Jack had to swallow against the pain that filled his chest; he missed that scent, not every day but most days. The worst moments where when he was in the street or a pub or on a job and he'd smell it, suddenly the world would stop and tilt on its axis and Jack's head would snap around, his eyes would search the crowd for the man he knew would never be there and his heart would break all over again.

Pushing those painful thoughts aside, he ordered a beer, drinking half in one go, partly to calm his nerves, partly to give him the courage he needed. It was becoming harder and harder every time. Not the pick-up, that always went the same, - Except for that first time. - it was the leaving that was difficult. The knowing that it would hurt, that was making him sick now.

A voice in his mind screamed at him to leave, to stop this now, to turn around and walk out and let it go. He'd actually done that once, walked away but it hadn't helped. It had only made life that much more difficult. He'd gone home, thrown himself into his work and almost gotten Andy killed. After that he come back and done what he knew he shouldn't. He'd never walked away again, telling himself that his team's lives depended on him giving into the craving, because more people got hurt if Jack's brain and body weren't on speaking terms.

As the beer settled in his stomach, Jack fixed his most charming smile into place, the one he knew the younger man was unable to resist, that always sparked his interest and turned to face his profile, his breath catching slightly at the sight.

"Nice place, come here often?" Jack's asked over the music. It was a cheesy pick-up line and Jack usually could do better, when he needed to, but when it came to this man, with his beautiful blue eyes, perfect bone structure and soft full lips that Jack could already taste, cheesy was like gold dust.

The man's head snapped around to meet his gaze and Jack's smile grew, already seeing that all too familiar spark of repressed interest. They stared at each other for a few long moments, Jack drinking in the sight. Lord how he missed it. Finally he held out his hand that no longer shook and introduced himself. "Jack Harkness."

The other man watched him for a moment longer, weighing up whether to take the hand or not. It was the same routine but not once had he turned away. Not once had he left. - And he wasn't going to now.

Jack watched that small shy smile spread across his features, it was such a wonderfully warm smile, then Jack felt his skin against his palm and he savoured the tingle that rushed thought his every nerve, making his heartbeat increase dangerously. The young man spoke and his voice was like music to Jack's ears.

"Ianto Jones."

_**TORCHWOOD** _

It always went the same way, they'd introduce themselves, Jack would smile charmingly, Ianto would comment on Jack's aftershave, which he never wore and then they'd grab a table. It was always the same, only the time and place changed.

Jack had been jumping back and forth through Ianto's life since the man was old enough to actually be hit on. The first time had been the 31st of December 2001, he'd been twenty and Jack had thought New Year's Eve was the perfect time to take that first step. It of course had all gone wrong; Ianto had turned around and run from him, almost literally. Jack figure he'd made his move too soon, he's waited a year, at least to Ianto it had been a year, to Jack it had been a day. The next time he's appeared in Ianto's life it had been at his twenty-first birthday and thankfully this time it had gone much more smoothly.

After that it was just a matter of picking those moments in Ianto's life that Jack knew about, things Ianto had told him, like tonight's little occasion. It was a work colleague's birthday, Ianto had said it was the worst night of his life as he'd gotten so drunk, he couldn't remember what had happened. At the time, Jack had laughed, teasing him relentlessly about just what he could have gotten up to in those missing hours. Now Jack knew.

"So, you got a girlfriend?" Jack asked, trying to make conversation and lay the ground work. Of course he already knew the answer.

"No." Ianto blushed, looking down into his pint.

"Can't think why not." Jack smirked, making sure to catch the gaze of the man opposite him. "I wouldn't kick you out of bed."

Ianto turned positively scarlet and looked around to make sure no-one had heard that. Jack laughed. _Same old Ianto_. For a guy who was to become so keen on public displaces of affection, he was rather prudish at present. Not that Jack blamed him. Ianto had told him that Jack had been his first and only male lover, which the older man refused to believe. Ianto was just too good at what they did to never have done it before. As it turned out, he'd been telling the truth, only he didn't quite know it. Ianto was pretty darn straight from what Jack had seen of his life, it was just that on dark lonely nights he found comfort with a nameless, faceless man.

Jack knew he should feel guilty and ashamed of himself, taking advantage of his ex-lover the way he was and when he returned to his own time, back to Torchwood, he would feel those things. But at this moment, with those blue eyes meeting his and welsh vowels ringing beautifully in his ears all he felt was desire. There was something about his relationship with Ianto, something about Ianto himself that just made it all so impossible to turn away from.

"Can you not say things like that?" Ianto whispered across the table, still bright red. "People may get the wrong idea."

Jack smirked again. "I think they'd be getting the right one." his voice dropped seductively.

"Jesus." Ianto gasped and his features took on that deer in the headlights look. "I - I'm not…." he leaned forward and dropped his voice. "I'm not _gay_."

Jack lifted a brow, meeting those baby blues. "You sure about that?" he whispered back, leaning across the table and into Ianto's personal space. "Cause I'd bet you a tenner, if you tried it you'd be unstoppable."

Jack could feel Ianto's breath brushing his face in a shallow rhythm and was arousing beyond words. Those beautiful baby blues had taken on that all black glow that he'd longed for, for six months. - Sometimes it was hard to belief that this was the same man he'd shagged breathless; he wasn't anything like _his_ Ianto.

It had amazed Jack at first. The first time they'd met, the younger man had all but thrown himself at Jack, with his tight jeans and winning smile, but this Ianto. This past, innocent, uncorrupted by the strangeness of the world Ianto, didn't flirt, didn't wear tight jeans. He was shy and nervous and Jack loved it.

Ianto turned his gaze away from Jack and swallowed down all his drink. Jack smiled to himself as he leant back in his chair. Everything was going exactly as it always did. In fact Ianto was giving in quicker and quicker with each visit. The first, no, second time it had taken Jack almost the whole night to get the man into bed. Now it was barely an hour. Jack suspected it had something to do with the repressed memories. His subconscious remembering what his conscious didn't. Jack's own subconscious had his hand sliding into his trouser pocket in search of the pill he'd brought with him.

When Ianto put down his empty glass, searched the room then got to his feet, Jack knew he had him. Grabbing his coat off the back of his chair he followed the younger man out of the pub, his heart pounding in his chest. There were no more doubts in his mind, no more guilt that this wasn't fair on either of them. All that he was thinking about was Ianto's soft skin and warm mouth.

They walked out onto the cold London streets. - Ianto had moved here six months ago and was currently working for H.C Clements, unaware just where that job would lead him. - They only went a few feet, Jack walking silently behind the younger man like some kind of stalker. Which if he thought about it, he was. - Which was precisely why he _didn_ _'_ _t_ think about it.

Ianto passed a small darkened ally only to be pulled back by Jack, who quickly flipped the surprised Welshman around to press him back against the wall. The lights from the street lamps and bars casting coloured shadows on the brick as Jack captured Ianto's mouth in the hungry desperate kiss he'd been starving for. It had been almost two months since he'd given in to this need for Ianto. Two months of protecting earth, two months of watching Gwen glow with the joys of motherhood, two months of lying alone in his bunk because he couldn't face touching someone else. All he'd wanted for two month…was Ianto Jones.

_**TORCHWOOD** _

The frantic necessity Jack had for Ianto had him acting without conscious thought, all he wanted was to taste and feel the man. He felt Ianto shift slightly against him and knew it was out of surprise, nerves and his own desire. Their dance never chanced and Jack was thankful for that, there had been too much change in his life over the past few years. Dragging his hot mouth away from the other man, Jack moaned and gasped as he spoke. "I need you Ianto Jones." his accent making the man shiver as Jack knew it always did.

Jack and Ianto held a mutual appreciation for each other's accents, especially when Ianto was speaking his own tongue. It was rather surprising to Jack how sexier dirty talk was in Gaelic.

"I…" Ianto breathed back, his heart hammering against Jack chest. "I've never…"

Jack silenced him with a heated, demanding kiss before pulling back. "You'll be fine." After all, Ianto's body would remember even if his mind didn't. At least if the arousal pressing against Jack's was any indication. "Now, Ianto… I can't wait any longer." he breathed.

Ianto didn't fight or struggle as Jack's hands clawed at him, tugging at the belt to his slacks, till they slide down his legs under the weight of his pockets contents. His underwear was next and still the only sound the Welshman made was a groan of frustration and lust. Jack smirking at the erotic sounds rumbling from Ianto's throat and gave him another searing kiss before forcing him around, the rustle of his own clothing filling the silent ally. As was Jack's way, he came prepared. He knew Ianto's body probably better than the young man did, so it didn't take him long to have Ianto panting and arching into his touch, craving more. When Jack was sure Ianto was ready, he pushed into him, groaning loud with delight as a feeling of peace swallowed his soul. He buried his face into the already damp flesh of Ianto's neck as he moved against him, breathing in the scent that's absence broke his heart. The man's moans of pleasure and lust singing like a chorus of angels in his ear.

Jack's fingers bit into the Welshman's flesh as he continued to thrust into his lover, he tried not to leave bruises, though he knew he would. With every thrust Jack breathed Ianto's name, whispered how wonderful, sexy and darn right gorgeous he was. The only words Jack never said were the ones he needed to. The ones that he'd carried painfully inside him since that fateful day.

"J- _Jesus_." Ianto groaned into the shadowed brick, gasping for air as he arched back to meet Jack.

"I - t-told y-you." Jack pressed a kiss to the side of Ianto's neck, sliding his hand around to take hold of his arousal. "You're a-a na-natural Ian-t-o."

"Uhh, J-Jack… Oh, god Jack." he groaned, his forehead dropping forward to rest on the brick, his heart hammering painfully against his ribs. "Do-don't st-stop."

"Never." Jack promised, the word holding a heavy weight of mean, because when he was with Ianto, in him, kissing him, touching him, talking to him, Jack knew he would never stop, not if he lived to be five thousand years old, he could never give this up no matter how wrong it was.

The pair climaxed together and Jack stood with his head resting against Ianto's shoulder as he tried to regain his composure, get his body back under control.

The beeping of his wristband drew his attention and he swore under his breath.

"What's that?"

Jack moved back, fidgeting with his clothes. "Pager." he watched Ianto through his lashes as the man pulled up his pants and underwear. "I have to…" Jack swallowed, not wanting to say it. He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay, take Ianto somewhere, spend some time with him, recapture what they'd lost, but duty called. "I have to go."

Ianto flushed as he paused and glance up at Jack, his eyes wide for a few moments, then the anger, then the sadness, the Captain had seen a thousand times before. "Oh…Fine." he snapped in a clipped tone, before turning to leave.

Jack's hand wrapped around his upper arm and pulled the man till their bodies were pressed close together. Looking deep into Ianto's blue gaze Jack had to fight the urge to stay, this was always the hardest part, leaving knowing that when he returned to the hub and Torchwood there would be no Ianto to greet him with coffee and a warm flirtatious smile. There would be no office romance, just him and Gwen and their new team.

And that was why his throat burned and his eyes glistened in the shadowed light. That was why he told himself it had to stop, that he couldn't come back. With a deep breath Jack pressed his lips to Ianto's in a goodbye kiss. It was always a goodbye kiss, even when he knew he'd return. "I miss you." he whispered against the other man's lips. "You have no idea how much I miss you, Ianto." he could feel the tears pooling in his eyes till they slide down his face. He kissed him once more, deeper. It was less about hunger and more about the affection Jack just wasn't able to put into words.

Pulling back, Jack took one last long look at Ianto Jones and walked away, the taste of the Retcon pill burning his tongue.

_**TORCHWOOD** _

_Friday, July 6_ _th_ _2011_

_Cardiff, Wales_

Jack returned to the Hub feeling as close to peace as he ever got now. He was greeted by the sight his new team at work and a concerned looking Gwen.

"Where the hell have you been?" she demanded, arms folding over her chest.

Jack gave her his trademark lopsided smile, putting the carefree mask he'd become used to wearing into place. "Last I checked _I_ was the boss around here." he laughed, walked past her.

"We've been trying to get hold of you for the last twenty minutes, Jack." Gwen announced following after him.

Jack turned swiftly, he feature tightened seriously with concern. "What's happened?"

Gwen met his gaze. "Hoax."

Jack rolled his eyes and carried on towards his office.

"Jack!" Gwen marched after him. "Where were you?"

"Out." he stated shrugging out of his coat and hanging up before dropping down behind his desk.

Gwen watched him, her arms still folded. "Jack?" there was worry lacing her accent now and Jack couldn't help but meet her gaze with a soft gentle smile.

"I just needed some time Gwen, alright."

"Jack…."

" _Gwen_. You're capable of taking care of things without Me." his tone a little too harsh.

The pair stared at each other for a long moment before Gwen nodded. "Captain Daniels has been calling for the past hour." Gwen stated. "He refuses to talk to anyone but you. He says it's important."

Jack rolled his eyes again. "It's probably about the U.N.I.T papers I haven't sent back." he stared over at the large pile of papers. He'd always hated paperwork, though Ianto had made it bearable, bribery had been the younger man's forte. Jack felt his chest tighten at the memory, a small sad smile pulling at his lips. Although he'd only just left Ianto, it didn't easy the sadness when he was back in the hub, surrounded by memories. It's what he hated most about being immortal; having to remember all those he lost. Sometimes he wished that when he came back time after time, his mind would be empty, that he'd remember nothing at all.

Gwen recognized that look; after all she's seen it often enough over the past two years. Glance over at the pile she swallowed as her thoughts were drawn to her fallen friends. Tosh, Owen, Ianto, they were all gone now and it hurt every day. Of course the sorrow she felt at their loss was only a shadow of what Jack must feel. He'd known them longer after all and he and Ianto had been together for over a year when the man had died. She couldn't even imagine losing Rhys. They'd had their ups and downs, she'd made more than her fair share of mistakes, but she loved Rhys and their son.

"Jack?" she pressed cautiously. "Do you want me to get Lois to…?"

She watched Jack swallow hard before he nodded.

Gwen left the man alone; it was the only thing to do on days like this. She walked out of the office, informed Lois there was a load of paper work waiting to be completed and sent to U.N.I.T Headquarters, then she went about her own work, stopping to talk with Andy while sending back concerned sympathetic looks to Jack as he sat trying to look busy.

An hour later the team was rushing though Cardiff pursuing a group of Silurian's.

_**TORCHWOOD** _

It was four months before Jack had enough downtime for his brain and body to start to get fidgety again. He actually begun to think that he'd finally put Ianto to rest but a night out with Hannah Johnson had proven that theory wrong. He'd needed to get out of the hub, away from the job, so had reluctantly agreed. He knew he was wallowing; it was what he did when he lost people he cared about. He wallowed, he drank and he made bad decisions that would come back to bite him in the ass thirty years later, leading to more deaths.

They'd been at a bar an hour, relaxing after another lengthy case involving giant maggots, talking and joking. Hannah had strolled off with the sole intention of hooking up with the first guy she found, leaving Jack alone. It didn't take him long to decide that he wasn't staying, he'd finish his pint then head back to the hub. That was when a cute young man named Gavin tried his luck. Jack smiled and did his best at flirted back, figuring it was time to get back in the saddle, that he had to get on with his life, find a new dance partner.

Everything was going splendidly; Jack flirted outrageously, flashing his famous smile, charmed the young man with his humour, it was all just perfect. It was when the guy had kissed him it all went wrong, out of nowhere he picked up that scent, that aftershave and that was it. His head began to spin, his heart hammered behind his ribs and he couldn't breathe. One face floated before his gaze and it wasn't Gavin's. Jack pulled away, backing up he left the bar without a word to Gavin or Hannah.

It took him twenty minutes to get back to the darkened hub, the only sound in the place was that of the humming of the Rift Manipulator. Jack looked around the empty subterranean base that had taken over a year to rebuild. A year Jack had spent travelling the universe, drinking himself into oblivion in a feign attempt to block out the past and the consequences of his actions. Losing Ianto _and_ Steven had been the last straw for Captain Jack Harkness.

It wasn't until he'd seen the Doctor in the shadows of a bar that he'd known it was time to come home but not before he'd gotten his Vortex Manipulator mended, knowing the doctor would probably kill him but not caring, after all, _who made him king of the universe_ _?_ Jack had thought angrily. He didn't know whether he'd already been planning to start time-stalking Ianto Jones or whether that idea had hit him when he walked into Ianto's flat with its sad emptiness. It hadn't been long after that, that he'd taken that first trip.

Jack walked across the Hub and into his office, his heart still pounding in his chest, his head still spinning. He told himself that he should stay strong, that he'd gone four months without needing to make a trip. That he had to stop and move on with his life. He dropped down into his chair, his eyes flickering to the pile of messages Lois had clearly left for him. She was turning into quite the little secretary, though he never allowed himself to think of her as such, she was simply Lois Habiba, newest in a long line of Torchwood employees who just happened to answer the phones and do the filing when necessary.

Jack read the top one which was yet another message from Captain Daniels, who'd been stalking him for the past four months, insisting on speaking to him alone, which of course made Jack more determined not to speak to the man. There was nothing the man could possible need that Gwen couldn't handle; she was his trusted right hand after all.

Swiping the pile off the desk, Jack pulled open the top drawer. Under a pile of papers and a large blue diary, he pulled out a small black notebook, flicking it open to where a photograph bookmarked. Jack took a second to admire the picture of Ianto; it had been taken at Tosh's birthday the year she died. While the others, Tosh, Owen and Gwen were in it, it was Ianto alone who captured Jack attention. After a moment he place the image to the side and looked at the notebook, a list of dates and places that made up the all too short life of Ianto Jones.

_**TORCHWOOD** _

_Friday August 18_ _th_ _2007_

_London, England._

Jack walked into the nightclub, his eyes instantly scanning for a single face. He knew he was here, the diary said so. When Jack had started this, he'd made a list of places and dates, mapping out Ianto's life so that he knew just where and when he could find him. The information he gathered either from Ianto himself, who'd told him stories of his past, or from the man's diary which it turned out he'd kept a copy of in his flat.

Tonight's little outing was The Raven Club for one of Ianto's Torchwood work colleagues stag night. Jack stood filled once again with the desperate desire to see a pair of shining blue eyes and a warm secret smile. It didn't take Jack more than a minute to see Ianto stood with some friends across the club, smiling happily, laughing. - Alive. Jack's hands were shaking and his heart racing as he pushed his way towards the bar. He knew he wouldn't be able to get the younger man away from his friends, not yet at least, so he ordered a drink and waited.

Ianto seemed so very cheerful and content with his life that Jack felt that guilt rip though him again. Once again his mind told him to leave, only this time it was practically screaming it through his head. He turned his attention towards his drink and sighed, the screaming finally penetrating his stubbornness. This really wasn't fair, not so much to Ianto, Jack acknowledge, after all the man never remembered him but it wasn't fair on himself because as much as he savoured spending this time with Ianto, he would have to go back to his world, his life without Ianto. Jack threw back his drink and turned to leave. _It end_ _'_ _s now_. he decided.

"Going so soon?"

Jack froze at the sound of those beautiful Welsh vowels. He glanced over his shoulder to meet those beautiful blue eyes, a loss for thought and breath. Not once in all the time he'd done this had Ianto ever approached him first.

"You only just got here." Ianto smiled warmly, meeting Jack gaze with confidence.

"I…" Jack for the first time in his life was lost for words.

Ianto leant on the bar smiling at Jack in that secretive way he'd always done while they worked. It held promise and affection, it always made Jack's chest tightened.

"Not really my kind of place." Jack finally said, his flirtation lopsided grip slipping naturally into place.

Ianto looked around at the people dancing and drinking. "Mine neither. - Only here because Lisa insisted." he fell silent and dropped his gaze into his pint.

Jack moved to join him, trying to ignore the spark of jealousy that shot through him at the mention of his girlfriend, Lisa Hallett. Forcing the memory of her and the painful chaos she'd cause from his mind, Jack lent against the bar, a little too close to the younger man.

"Changed your mind?" Ianto inquired with a gleam in his eye and a tone in his voice that Jack knew all too well.

"The night's looking up."

They started at each other for a few moments, just taking in the sight of one another and allowing the pressure to build between them. Finally Ianto inched closer still, his voice low when his spoke. "It's been a long time Jack. - Almost two years."

Jack was speechless for the second time in ten minutes. "W-What? - You remember me?" _how was that possible_? _He_ _'_ _d retconed him. He always retconed him_. _Was he becoming immune to its effect?_ His mind was telling him to leave again. Panic was racing though his head.

Ianto blushed and looked down at the bar. "Of course I remember you." he swallowed hard, refusing to look at him. "You're pretty hard to forget." he added in a quiet voice. "And I don't make a habit of…you know… In fact I'd never done that before."

Jack couldn't help the arrogant smirk spreading across his face, even as his mind was on full alert. Oh, if his perfect office-boy knew just how many times they'd done that before. "Really, I would never have guessed, you must be a natural." he laughed as Ianto turned a darker shade of red.

Jack's body knocked into the younger man as a group of giggling women rushed the bar, pushing Jack out of the way. The air caught in both men's lungs as their bodies connected, unsurprisingly neither stepped back and Jack inhaled deeply, taking in a lungful of aftershave and that unique scent that was all Ianto.

"So?" Ianto breathed slowly.

"So?" Jack's brows furrowed though the smile remained fixed in place.

"Want to get out of here?" Ianto turned his blue lust blown gaze on the American.

"You sure?" his smile faltering at the sudden turn in conversation.

Ianto didn't say a word, didn't nod or smile, he just pushed himself away from the bar and walked over to retrieve his jacket from a corner booth, bid his friends goodbye before walking back past Jack, his head high.

Jack watched the whole scene play out with a racing heart and lust bursting through him. He didn't even wait a second before following after Ianto, no longer thinking about the fact that Ianto seemed immune to the Retcon pill or the consequences of it, all that was on his mind was being alone with Ianto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think. You’re reviews are my addiction. The Alley scene was slightly inspired by a picture I saw on DeviantART. http://mad-hattie.deviantart.com/art/No-Time-270407869


	2. Chapter 2

Friday August 18th2007

London, England.

 

 

Jack exited the club to find Ianto hailing a cab. When the black vehicle pulled to a stop at the side of the street, Jack leant in through the window and gave the driver the name of a hotel before climbing in beside his deceased lover. The pair didn’t speak or touch on the ride; they simply sat staring out their individual windows, the sexual tension crackling between them. Twenty minutes later the taxi dropped them off outside of an Holiday Inn on the other side of the river.

 

Jack strolled confidently to the reception desk, ordered a room and placed a credit card in front of a young uniformed blonde. She glanced at Jack, then over his shoulder to Ianto and Jack had to fight back a laugh as her face turned scarlet.

“Huh…” she stuttered, her gaze still flickering embarrassingly between the two men. “…Double or two singles?” she asked nervously.

Jack leant over the counter with his charming flirtation smirk plastered to his features. “What do you think?” he whispered with a winked.

“Hh.” her mouth a small O. “I - Of course.” she flushed. “H-how l-long will you be staying with us sir?”

Jack glanced over his shoulder at the silent man, his face almost as flushed as the receptionist. “Let’s be hopeful, shell we…” he said, turning back to the young woman. “…the weekend.” he winked again, his heart racing at the prospect of spending two whole days with Ianto.

The woman dropped her gaze and tapped away at the computer keyboard before turned to retrieve the key, handing it over to Jack with a polite embarrassed smile. “Enjoy your stay Sir.”

Jack laughed. “Oh, I intend to.”

 

He walked to the lift, Ianto following behind him, still silent, still not touching. All the way to the room the tension was growing to impossible heights till it was almost choking the two men. Jack opened the hotel room door and took seven steps in before stopping, he heard the younger man close the door behind him. Ianto didn’t have a chance to even take in a breath before Jack was pressing him against the hotel room door; their bodies flush against one another till they could feel each other’s arousal, the desire like a physical thing between them. Jack’s mouth crushed down on Ianto, who met the kiss with equal hunger, his hands clawing at Jack coat while the captain’s fingers burned the flesh of Ianto’s neck.

 

Jack was forced to remove his hands as Ianto pushed the coat off his shoulders and down his arms, but as soon as the thick air-force blue fabric hit the carpet, the fingers were back on the younger man’s skin, raking though his hair, tugging at the thick dark mass, causing Ianto to moan into the mouth that was currently holding it siege. Ianto’s hands were as meticulous as they’d always been, working quickly to rid the other man of braces, light blue cotton shirt and t-shirt until there was nothing left to claw at but solid muscle and naked flesh.

 

Jack followed suit, stripping his lover of the black t-shirt the summer heat had reduced him to, till his hands were able to touch the warm porcelain skin beneath. He dragged his lips away from Ianto’s long enough to whisper in the man’s ear. “I really miss the suit.” his voice was half way between a moan and a sigh.

“You’ve seen me in a suit?” Ianto frowned, though his brain was barely working with the captain’s lips sucking at his pulse, his head tilted.

“God _yes_.” Jack said into the expanse of flesh. “ _So_ many time.”

 

Before Ianto had time to register what was said or ask any more questions Jack mouth was claiming his again in a reckless heart stopping kiss, his hands already tugging at his jeans. Ianto own hands dropped to work at the belt and fly of Jack trousers, as the other man’s hands were already forcing Ianto’s denims and underwear off his hips and down his thighs. Their desire and craving to touch had them stripped and breathlessly cling to one another in less time than either realised. The pair stood flesh to flesh, devouring one anothers mouths while rutting in a frantic quest for friction and satisfaction.

 

Jack’s right hand pressed flat against the white wooden door, while his other cupped his lovers arse cheek, pulling closer, gasping as Ianto dragged his mouth from Jack’s to nip and suck at the delicate flesh of his neck. Both men’s bodies growing slick with sweat and their hearts pounding against their ribs with a force so strong it left them in no doubt of their lovers desire.

 

 

 

Ianto’s strong warm hands slid down the sweat covered flanks of the only man he’d ever allowed to touch him like a lover. His mind was still a buzz with the realization that he was doing this… _again_. He hadn’t understood why he’d allowed this the last time and he’d spent month’s wondering if he was actually gay but hadn’t realised, but he’d never found himself attracted to another man. Then he’d met Lisa and she’d stopped him questioning his sexuality. The thought of his girlfriend had Ianto freezing, doubt and guilt crowding in on him. He couldn’t do this to her, cheating was bad enough, but with a man. That was just too wrong.

 

 

 

Jack clearly knew the cause of Ianto’s sudden hesitation. Ianto had always been the most loyal and loving man Jack had ever met and he knew what Ianto felt for his girlfriend but he wanted this. Jack knew it was selfish and unfair to Lisa, even to Ianto but he missed him every day more than he would have thought possible. Being able to seek the man out through time made his long, endless existence bearable. So it was wrong, so he risked destroy the timeline, Jack had stopped caring about that a long time ago, all he cared about was having back what he’d lost two years ago.

 

He pressed his hands to frame Ianto’s face, his lips hovering over the kiss swollen ripe lips. “Ianto.” he whispered in a low sultry tone. “Ianto?” he waited for the man to meet his eyes. When blue met blue, Jack’s heart skip at the guilt in them, igniting his own, with a heavy sigh, Jack pulled back. “Ianto… you can leave.” He stood agonizingly watching the younger man, his now shaking hands still resting on the side of Ianto’s face, his heart thundered as he waited to see what Ianto would do, fear clawing at his gut. If the man decided to leave, Jack would let him, no matter how much it killed him to do so.

 

The wait was killing him after a few second, so much so Jack needed space. Dropping his hands regretfully from Ianto’s face he stepped back, his breath hitching at the sudden loss of the other man’s body heat. He looked into Ianto’s trouble face and fixed a small smile as he spoke. “It’s alright Ianto, I get it.” his tone held a confidence and ease he wasn’t feeling at all.

 

 

 

Ianto watched the man and felt something in his gut tightened at the sad look he was trying so hard to hide behind a confident mask. His breath was held captive in his lung at the sight as Jack turned away from him. He loved Lisa, he knew that but this man made him feel something he’d never felt before, he seemed to have a hold on him that was inexplicable. He wanted his touch more than he thought possible. “Jack.”

 

 

 

The captain froze at his name, waiting, when he felt Ianto’s breath sweep against his neck a shiver rushed through him “Ianto?” he sighed as the younger man pressed open mouthed kiss along the curve of his shoulder, his hand gliding across Jack left flank to rest against his toned abdomen, pulling him back against his chest.

 

As Ianto’s mouth worked along his lover’s skin, Jack’s head fell back of its own accord, his hand rising to card though Ianto’s think dark hair, the fingers of their left hands knotted together. They stayed that way for a while before Jack stepped away, his fingers still linked with his lovers, leading him to the large bed. Turning Jack met Ianto’s gaze, searching for his consent, when he found what he was looking for Jack smiled, his hands brushing down Ianto’s body till it came to rest on his hips, then he dropped onto the end of the bed.

 

His fingers bit into Ianto’s flesh as he pulled him close, hearing the man’s breath catch as Ianto filled his mouth completely, his tongue working over the soft velvet steel. Jack knew Ianto’s body almost as well as he knew his own, he’d joked once that Ianto’s body was just like Wales, covered in beautiful hills and valleys. Jack also knew every beat that came with every touch, there wasn’t a place on the man’s skin Jack hadn’t touched, kissed or tasted, which meant Jack knew just when Ianto was close to his climax and knew just when to pull away, the other men’s moans of disappointment filling his ears.

 

Jack looked up into his rejected gaze and smiled. “Hey? We’re not done yet, Ianto.” he voice breathless as he shifted back on the bed, lust in his eyes and his body lying wantonly. “I don’t want you coming before we get to the good stuff.”

Ianto frowned at him for a second before he realised just what Jack was proposing with his body. His eyes widened. “I - I d-don’t k-know…maybe we should stick to….well, you know.”

“What you’re good at? “ Jack joked before leaning forward to meet the man’s wavering blue eyes and lifted a hand to cup his cheek. “You’ll be fine.” he said seriously. “It’s really not all that different than with a woman.” he smiled reassuringly. “I trust you. Trust me.”

Ianto was still unsure but he nodded.

“That’s my boy.” Jack laughed lightly, pressing a small gentle kiss to Ianto’s lips before shifting back on the bed.

 

Ianto knelt on the end of the bed preparing to move towards Jack and take another step in his education, his heart was pounding so hard against his ribs he was sure they’d break.

“Everything we’ll need is in my coat.” Jack informed the young Welshman before he could move any further.

Ianto glanced over his shoulder at the pile of clothing before walking over to it like it was some kind of wild animal waiting to rip him to pieces. Jack watched the whole scene from the bed, well until that was his attention was captured by the smooth, curved white backside that swayed just a little as Ianto moved. He didn’t even bother to bite back the moan, which caused Ianto to freeze and stare at him.

 

Jack winked. “Just taking in the view.”

Ianto went scarlet again as he dropped down to the thick over-coat and rummaged though it in search of Jack’s supplies. It didn’t take him long to pull out the condoms and lube, as well as a small clear contain holding a pill. Frowning at it for a moment, he lifted question eyes to Jack. “What’s this?”

 

Jack shifted on his elbows, growing frustrated and cold at the other man’s absence. “Would you believe contraception?” Jack laughed.

“No.” Ianto continued to stare, his face stern though Jack could see the amusement in the way his mouth twitched.

Jack sighed. “Listen gorgeous, can we discuss my drug habit after we have sex? It’s kind of killing the mood.”

 

Ianto didn’t move for a few moments and Jack had a bad feeling he wasn’t going to until he got an answer. But what could Jack tell him? As much as he didn’t want to lie to him, he couldn’t tell him the truth either. He knew Ianto well enough to know he’d be more than a little pissed. Probably something he should have considered before starting down this road. He saw that spark in Ianto’s eyes and was reminded of all those hours of bribery. _“Paperwork, then sex. - no paperwork, no sex, you choose sir.”_ Jack smiled at the memory and sighed, his mind already working. “Tic Tac?”

Ianto lifted a brow of disbelief, getting to his feet and facing the older man full on, purposefully exposing his body to Jack’s gaze, making him groan again.

“Ianto, come on…play nice.” Jack pleaded, his body growing increasingly uncomfortable.

Ianto tried to hide a smirk as he waved the small tub.

 

Jack dropped back against the bed another pleading groan forcing its way from his throat. He couldn’t tell Ianto the truth, it just wasn’t possible. His mind worked fast, trying to search for a plausible explanation for the pill, something that wouldn’t lead to more questions from the Welshman. Problem was he couldn’t think of anything. Jack Harkness, ex-con man and charmer couldn’t think of a lie.

 

Well, if he couldn’t lie there was only one thing to do….and it wasn’t telling the truth. If Ianto wanted to play, Jack could play… _very_ dirty.

 

Rolling off the bed, Jack moved slowly towards Ianto, like a hunter approaching his pray. He hadn’t taken two steps before he knew it was having an effect on the man, by the time Jack was toe to toe with his lover, Ianto was practically panting, sweating and standing to attention. Jack didn’t smile or speak he just lent a little close till his breath was fluttering against Ianto’s slightly opened mouth, he didn’t kiss him, he reached out with his hand and took a solid hold of the Ianto’s crouch.

 

When Ianto gasped he knew he’d won, leaning into Ianto’s ear he spoke in his husky sex-tainted voice. “Sex then explanation. - No sex, no explanation.” he didn’t have to wait long for an answer as Ianto’s dropped the small clear tub and throw himself at Jack’s mouth.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Jack lay back against the pillows, his thighs pressed to the blazing skin of Ianto’s sides as the man moved cautiously into him. Jack’s need to have Ianto inside him had meant it took less than a few minutes to prepare, thankfully Ianto had always been a quick study, at least that’s what his résumé said. Jack let out a throaty groan as the other man filled him in a single rough thrust before stopping. He looked up into the blue eyes, biting on his lips as he saw the mixture of emotions in them, nerves, fear and lust battled for control. When Ianto showed no sign of moving, Jack slid his hand over the man’s heated cheek, up into his hair where he wrapped his fingers in the short strands and pulled him down into a passionate, consuming kiss. The men’s tongues battled with one another for dominance that Jack relinquished almost as soon as they’d started, his fingers still gripped tightly in his lovers hair as the younger man’s fingers bit almost painfully into his hips.

 

With a groan of frustration Jack lifted them; thankfully Ianto caught on and began to move. Slowly at first, attempting to get used to the unfamiliar friction and pleasure that felt so utterly different to what he was used to. Jack finally let go of Ianto’s hair and fell back against the pillow, his head rolling back as his hips lifted to meet his lovers every thrust. The room filling with deep moans and cries as they raced towards the edge.

“Faster!” Jack demanded, smiling when Ianto followed his order as he always did.

 

Ianto was being driven by instinct, slamming into the man, his hand moving to take hold of the American’s erection, only to have his wrist captured by the older man. Their eyes met and Jack smiled seductively, his grip tightening, pulling Ianto down on top of him and claiming his mouth in a hard hungry kiss. The friction caused by their bodies moving against one another was enough to send Jack towards the edge in a frenzied display of grunts and moans, his strong calloused fingers biting deep into Ianto’s tender flesh.

 

When Jack felt Ianto’s body go ridged above him he knew the younger man had reaching his climax and found himself following swiftly after him. Ianto collapsed exhausted on top of him, breathless, slick from sweat and Jack’s seed. “T-that w-was….”

“Told ya. You’re a natural.” Jack murmured into the man’s shoulder.

 

After a few moments catching his breath Ianto spoke again, lifting himself up on his elbow to look down at his lover. “So, what’s with the pills?”

Laughter burst from Jack’s lungs and he claimed the man’s mouth in a slow gentle kiss.

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Ianto lay with his head on Jack shoulder, still flushed and breathless, Jack’s rough yet delicate hand brushing through his hair.

“So? - Explanation?”

Jack sighed. “You never forget anything, do you?” he gave a secret smirk.

“Nope. - So what are they?”

“There….medication.”

Ianto lent away from the American, frowning. “What kind of medication?” a hint of concern and panic in his blue eyes.

 

Jack wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or amused. Did he really think he had something? Like Jack would risk his young lover’s life if he had, he knew him better than that. - Except he didn’t. Not yet. Jack’s anger faded and a small smile pulled at his lips, his hand brushing down the other man’s cheek. “Diabetes.” he said matter-of-factly. It had been the first believable thing he could come up with on the spot.

 

Ianto turned red. “Oh…Uh, sorry… Just. - I guess I’m a little jumpy.” He allowed Jack to pull him back into his arms. “So that’s what the pager was for last time.”

Jack smiled; Ianto really did have a memory like an elephant, at least when it wasn’t being wiped. “Uh, yeah.”

Ianto snuggled closer, the soft glow of the beside lamp radiating off the Welshman’s skin. “Well, you kinda left one in my mouth after you kissed me. - Last time we….” he blushed. “I guess it’s lucky I didn’t swallow it, huh.”

 

Jack stared at the wall, a mix of relief and disappointment. “Yeah.” Part of him kinda hoped Ianto was immune to the Retcon. “Sorry about that.”

Ianto frowned up at him. “It’s alright. - You okay, Jack?” concern tainting his voice once again, only this time it was for Jack not himself.

“Yeah.” he smiled softly down at him. “I’m great.”

 

Jack lips brushed the other man’s softly, breathing in that distinctive scent that was all Ianto Jones. The young Welshman’s fingers carding through Jack’s hair. They remained like that for a while, just savouring the taste of each other.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Jack didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep, but when a stream of sunlight broke through the curtains he was awake, stretching out beneath the sheet, warm from the summer heat and a body pressed to his side. Cracking his eyes open, he looked down at the slumbering form of Ianto and for a second he almost forgot where he was and that his lover wasn’t with him anymore. It was like being at home. - Except they were in a hotel room rather than Ianto’s flat or Jack’s room. - When the memory of Ianto’s death hit him, it stole his breath and had his eyes watering. He tried to swallow back the pain but couldn’t. He turned and pressed a kiss to the Welshman’s forehead, the trickle of tears sliding down his cheeks and nose. When he felt the younger man stir in his arms, Jack moved. Detaching himself from Ianto he throw back the sheet, swing his leg out of bed and marched to the bathroom. He didn’t want him to see the tears, he’d ask question Jack couldn’t answer.

 

In the bathroom Jack stared at his reflection. He looked no different, the same as he always did. No older. He was just in a state of being, it was another reminder of what he was, how no matter what he did he would live on and on while the ones he cared for, loved, died around him. He gripped the sink and hung his head, taking deep breaths to calm his pounding heart. He jumped when Ianto knocked on the bathroom door.

“Jack, are you going to be long? I need…”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence as Jack unlocked the door after splashing water on his face. Ianto rushed in and dealt with his blander issues, Jack still standing at the mirror. He heard the chain flush but didn’t look round.

 

The mirror soon filled not only with his image but Ianto’s too, as the man wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist, his chin leaning on Jack’s shoulder. It had always amazed Jack how easily Ianto had slipped into his role as Jack’s lover. There hadn’t been much of an awkward conversation or flirtation. There hadn’t been any _“I’m not sure I can do this.”_ Ianto had just followed his instincts. Though now Jack released that it was probably due to the suppressed memories of these moments. - But then, even back when he’d first started time-stalking Ianto Jones, the Welshman hadn’t put up much of a fight. Jack wondered just what that said about the pair of them. After all, Jack hadn’t time-stalked any of his other lovers. _That’s because your Vortex Manipulator was broken_. A voice in his head reminded him. But it worked now. He could go back to any or all his previous relationships but he never did. He hadn’t even considered it. From the moment he’d gotten the thing mended and returned to earth, there was only one person he’d wanted to see again.

 

“You going to stand here all day or are you coming back to bed?” Ianto whispered against the tanned skin of Jack’s shoulder.

Turning in his lovers arms, Jack gave him his flirtatious smile, forcing away his thoughts. “Bed sounds good.” he dropped his head and gave him a hungry kiss.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

It was nice to pretend, Jack thought, even if it was only for a few hours, only if it could never last. He’d pushed everything aside, the only thought in his head was Ianto and how happy he was at this moment in time. It was dark again; they’d been having sex on and off all day, and when they weren’t they’d eat, talk and watch pay-per-view movies. They just spent time together, in their hide away pretending to be a normal couple. Something Jack had never allowed them to be.

 

He’d wondered why a thousand times since Ianto’s death. Why he’d been so reluctant to acknowledge what they were. He’d known they were a couple. A proper, monogamous couple and it had scared the hell out of Jack, he just didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been down that road before. He’d been married twice for goodness sake. He’d had long term lovers of both sexes. So why the idea of being a couple with Ianto had scared him so much was still a mystery to him. Ianto had wanted it, right up until his last breath; all he’d wanted was that acknowledgement that they had meant something more than sex, that he’d given Jack everything for a reason, but he hadn’t been able to do anything more than promise to remember him.

 

It wasn’t enough. It had never been enough. - For either of them.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

“Jack?” Ianto whispered, pressing his lips to the side of the captain’s neck, his hands snaking beneath the sheets to where Jack could already feel himself getting hard at the touch of the Welshmen’s warm finger.

Jack let his head fall back against the pillow, allowing Ianto to take charge, a lustful moan being torn from his lips as Ianto’s fingers tightened around the steel of his erection.

“Shit!” Ianto snapped at the sound of his mobile ringing across the room, where their clothes still lay.

“Ignore it.” Jack commanded, his fingers carding though the dark strands of Ianto’s thick hair. He saw the battle going on behind Ianto’s eyes so he thrust his hips up into his lover’s still hand, hoping to encourage him to return to his duty. “Ianto…” Jack groaned as the man moved away, throwing back the cover. He watched him walk across to retrieve his phone, grateful at least for the sight of Ianto’s backside swaying as he walked.

 

“Hey.” Ianto said in a tight uncomfortable voice.

Jack instantly knew who it was and he hated her all over again.

“Yeah, sorry, decided to crash at…. Matt’s.” He cleared his throat. “I figured you’d still be at your mum’s till tomorrow.”

 

Jack sat up in the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest as he listened to Ianto lie to his girlfriend. He knew he should feel guilty and he did, but only for putting Ianto in a position where he was forced to lie. He knew how he hated lying to people he cared about.

 

 

 

“Oh,…” Ianto’s voice was fighting to sound normal. “…do you want me to come home?” he didn’t know why he was asking, he should have just gotten dressed and left but he couldn’t bring himself too. He fought the desire to glance over his shoulder to the handsome American he’d spent the day having sex with. “Okay.” he sighed, hoping it didn’t come across as relieved. “Nothing’s wrong. - I just, I’ve had a bit too much to drink that’s all. - Yeah, we’ve been drinking, playing PlayStation and watching the football. - Thanks, you’re the world’s best girlfriend, you know? - Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow after work. Night. - Love you too.”

 

 

 

Jack watched Ianto hang up the phone. He didn’t move to come back to bed straight away; he just stood there, staring down at the plastic in his hand. Finally he turned, not meeting Jack’s gaze, strolling back to the bed and dropping onto the edge.

“That was…Lisa.” Ianto informed him sadly. “My girlfriend.”

Jack didn’t know what to say or do, so he just sat there.

“She’s back early. She’s been visiting her mum in Manchester.”

Jack still remained silent.

“I’ve never lied to her before.” Ianto sighed, his head falling forward. “I don’t like it.”

 

Finally Jack spoke. “You can go Ianto. - I never wanted to hurt you.”

There was silence in the room as neither man looked at each other. Ianto’s gaze was fixed on the mobile in his hands, while Jack stared at the wall opposite the bed, tears stinging his eyes.

 

“I…” Ianto tried to talk but found himself struggling with the words, so fell silent again. It was almost ten minutes before the Welshman said anything else. “I do love her, you know?”

Jack felt his chest tighten and his breathing become difficult. It wasn’t an unfamiliar emotion, jealousy, he’d felt it towards Lisa before he and Ianto had even gotten together. He’d hated her then, he hated her now, as unreasonable as it was.

“But I can’t leave.” Ianto continued. “I don’t know why. I wish I did. But I just can’t leave you Jack.”

 

The captain felt his heart skip at Ianto’s words. When Ianto glanced over his shoulder to meet his gaze Jack could have sworn he’d actually die for once. There were so many warring emotions in those blue depths. He lent forwards, his fingers trailing once more over the man’s cheek. “Ianto, I won’t lie; I really don’t want you to go either. - But….” he swallowed. “I don’t want you to hate me or yourself if you stay. - I don’t want this to be tainted by guilt and regret for either of us.”

 

Neither moved, nor spoke or even breathed after Jack’s speech. They just sat there staring at each other, Ianto still weighing up what to do. Jack knew the instant the Welshman made up his mind when his clouded blue eyes cleared like a summer sky. Ianto placed his phone on the bedside table without taking his eyes off Jack before wrapping his hand around the back of the American’s neck and pulling him into another kiss. One filled with so many emotions. None of which beoing regret, shame or hate.

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Sunday morning came too soon for the two men. This would be their last few hours together. Soon Jack would have to return to his own time, Ianto to his girlfriend. They lay wrapped in each other’s embrace silently staring into space. Ianto’s fingers absently drawing circles on Jack’s tanned forearm, as the captain ran his up and down Ianto’s bicep. They’d never really had a Sunday morning lay in, Jack realised sadly. For some reason he couldn’t fathom, weekends were the busiest time for Torchwood. Why alien’s always decided to visit or attack over the weekend was beyond him. It felt nice though, normal and another realisation hit him. He would have liked this, to wake up on a Sunday, work or no, next to Ianto. He could have had this if he hadn’t been so pig-headed, if he’d just allowed nature to take its course instead of running from it.

 

But then there was always a reason to run. A part of Jack had known Ianto and him wouldn’t last. It never lasted because he was an anomaly, a fixed point in time that didn’t move or change and Ianto wasn’t. Jack would stay still, Ianto would move on. There was no future for them.

 

Now though Jack realised that that wasn’t the point. So he’d lost loved one before, that didn’t mean anything, people lost them all the time. What should have mattered was that they were together then. He should have acknowledged what they had instead of what they’d never have.

 

Jack lifted his hand to Ianto’s cheek, turning his face to him so he could claim the man’s mouth. They both moaned at the pleasure that rushed through their bodies, Ianto turning in Jack’s arms. Their bodies were pressed together from lips to shins, feeling the others arousal. Jack’s hand slid down his lovers back, resting for a second on his hip, before continuing on to grip his butt-cheek, giving it a squeeze before pulling Ianto to him till hipbone hit hipbone.

 

The captain thrust forward, groaning as a spark of friction rushed through his body. He repeated the move, eliciting a similar noise from the younger man. Ianto’s fingers bit into Jack’s neck, as he met the thrusts frantically. After a few moments Ianto lifted his leg, sliding it over Jack’s hip, increasing his own movements, savouring the friction created by their erections rubbing together. Jack pulled his mouth away as he panted for air. They could already see the sparks of ecstasy dancing before their eyes, Jack’s fingers biting deeper into the toned flesh of Ianto’s arse as the man’s leg tightened around his waist, their speed increasing further, the warmth of their climax already seeping between them, coating one another.

 

The sound of panting was all that filled the room until a mutual cry was ripped from their throats; Ianto’s a fraction of a second before Jack’s. As they spilled between their tightly fitted bodies they didn’t stop moving, even though the exhaustion was stealing their breath and the climax their senses. They took and gave all they had because something screamed that this would be their last chance. Their mouth’s returned to one another, deep and hungry, filled with need and devotion and something Jack wasn’t ready to admit or accept.

 

A second climax was too much for Ianto’s innocent sensibilities. Gasping for air, he allowed his leg to fall away from Jack, rolling onto his back he tried to breathe, his eyes drifting closed. Jack watched him sleep with tears pooling in his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Ianto was still asleep at noon leaving Jack bored. Reaching over he picked up the remote for the TV and began to channel surf. It didn’t take him long to find something that caught his interest. He shot up in bed, his gaze fixed to the screen, his mouth hanging open. _Ghostwatch_ , his heart slammed painfully against his ribs. He hadn’t even realised, or maybe he hadn’t wanted to remember. The date should have been burned, branded into his memory. _Sunday August 20 th2007,_but for whatever reason it hadn’t registered.

 

He knew what it meant, the importance the date held for so many, for Torchwood, for the Doctor and Rose, - For Ianto. Jack swallowed hard at the lump that was taking up the entirety of his throat. He glanced down at the sleeping man next to him. This was it. This really was their last day together. Everything changed after this, Ianto’s life was about to reach that moment that would inevitably lead to his death.

 

Panic had Jack’s blood racing. Throwing back the sheet he leapt out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, shutting the door with a slam. He gripped the edge of the sink once more, his head bowed over it as he forced air into his lungs. Tears didn’t just pool in his eyes but flooded his face. He’d hoped for more time but fate had finally caught up with him. Jack felt his knees go weak at the sound of Ianto’s voice.

“Jack? - Jack are you alright?”

Seven hours, that was all there was left till it was over for good. After that there could be no coming back.

“Jack?”

“I - I’m f-fine.” the captain answered with a tight voice.

 

Suddenly Jack heard ringing coming from the other room as Ianto’s mobile went off again. He opened the door, watching as the Welshman spoke to whoever it was on the other end.

“Yes of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Jack stood with his shoulder on the bathroom doorframe, his arms folded over his bare chest. Ianto turned to see him, an apologetic smile on his face. “I - I’ve got to go. Work.”

Jack felt his gut tighten at the mention of Torchwood One. “Must you?” he said before he could stop himself, a sad pleading look in his eyes.

Ianto nodded as he began to gather up his clothes. “’fraid so.”

 

There was silence as the younger man dressed, Jack taking a seat on the bed. When Ianto was ready, he turned his own regretfully sad gaze on Jack. Taking a few steps forward and placing himself between the captain’s knees, his hand trailing over the unshaven cheek. “Will I see you again? - I really want to see you again Jack.”

 

Jack’s chest constricted at the young Welshman’s words, tears burning in his gaze once more. Everything told Jack to stop him leaving, to keep him in the hotel room till it was all over, or tell him what was about to happen so he could get Lisa and leave. He wanted so desperately to stop Ianto’s from starting down the path that would lead to his death, even if it meant never meeting him at all.

 

But Jack knew he couldn’t, not only because of the paradox it would cause but for the selfish reason that he didn’t want to wipe those two years with Ianto from existence. Swallowing hard, he pulled the man into another kiss before murmuring against his lips. “I can guarantee that you’ll see me again Ianto Jones.” he pulled away fully, staring into the man’s bright blue eyes.

“I - Hope so.” Ianto walked over to the small table and jotted something down on the small complimentary pad, then handed it to Jack. “Call me, ok.”

Jack looked down at the mobile number, a wide grin spreading across his features.

“I’ve got to go.” Ianto said, dropping a final kiss to the captain’s lips and rushing out of the hotel room.

 

Jack stared silently after him, sat naked on the bed, a piece of paper gripped tight in his hands the tears began to pour down his face.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Jack stood looking up at Torchwood Tower. He really hated this place, it went against everything he stood for, everything The Doctor had taught him to stand for. It was easier now this place was gone, though he wouldn’t wish for the deaths. Looking down at his watch he sighed. Just under half hour before all hell broke loose. Looking up at the steel and glass, Jack couldn’t stop the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. The Doctor was up there, doing his showing off thing, unaware of what awaited him.

 

The smile instantly faded. He knew now what it was like to lose someone, no not someone, _that_ someone. He’d always wondered how the Doctor had done it, how he’d been able to say goodbye and move on after losing Rose. But that was the thing; he hadn’t, no matter what he did, or said, no matter who came and went in his life he’d never get over losing Rose and now Jack understood that.

 

He’d thought it would be easy if he were honest. He figured that if he came back, saw him against and just got it out of his system. - If he just said a proper goodbye, he’d be able to move on, but that was never going to happen. He knew that now. He was never moving on from this, not completely. Jack dropped down on a wall, his gaze still fixed on the building in front of him. He and the Doctor were more alike than either of them knew, he realised. Two endless lives filled with adventure and pain, with one single moment in time that would change and affect them for eternity. Jack wished he’d known that earlier, before the 456. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have wasted what time he had with Ianto. - _Was it a waste?_ He asked himself.

 

Riffling in his pocket, he pulled out his wallet, old, battered brown leather warm against his palm. Flipping it open Jack tugged at the pass that would get him in to the tower. He laughed quietly to himself at the memory of Ianto complaining how he never cleared the thing out. “Lucky thing I didn’t.” he whispered to himself. With the ID card that was out of date in his time but perfectly valid here, he turned his attention to a small white corner poking out from the back of the wallet. He had to take a deep breath before he tugged it free.

 

It was slim, folded in half and it sent a painful jolt through Jack’s chest. His hands were shaking when he moved to unfold it. A column of photos met his gaze. Smiling up at him were two innocent yet mischievous blue eyes. His gaze moved down to the next images, where he and Ianto sat side by side, smiling into the camera. Jack laugh at the memory of that day. He’d had to practically drag the man into the photo booth. The image below that was them kissing and it sent a tingle down Jack’s spine, he could still taste the man of his tongue from hours ago. The final picture would be considered X-rated at best. Ianto’s head flung back with a glow of ecstasy on his pale skin, Jack’s head barely in shot.

 

He wasn’t aware he was crying until a tears feel on the images. Sweeping it away, Jack refolded the photos and pushed them back into the wallet; lifting his gaze back to the column of steel he took a deep breath. Everything in his heart told him to leave, told him to go back to his own time and let the universe do its worst, but he’d been taught better than that. He knew there would be far reaching consequences if he allowed his own selfish need to keep Ianto out weigh the natural order. Of course that didn’t mean he had to like it.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Jack walked past security like he was there to change a plug. The man barely glanced at the ID, he probably just caught sight of the company logo and the security strip and didn’t much care about the date or name on it. Not that it matter if he had decided to stare at it for an hour. It was genuine and valid. He’d like to say he had a plan, an excellent fool proof plan that would achieve everything he needed to do, but the truth was, at that moment he was flying by the seat of his pants. He knew a few things. One: He had to find Ianto and keep him occupied long enough for his girlfriend to be taken to a cyber-conversion unit. Two: he had to stay out of the Doctor and Rose’s sight. And Three: He needed to locate the Secnarf recorder. Of these three things, Ianto would prove to be the hardest.

 

Jack stepped into a lift and pressed the button for the fifteenth floor. He remember the lay out from when Suzi and Owen had come to retrieve anything that needed to be secured. The fifteenth floor was the only place Jack could think of hiding out until it was over. A few of the floors were under renovation; three of those floors would be taken over by the Cybermen as a base of operations for their cyber-units. Fifteen was the only one untouched which made it perfect.

 

After two floors, the lift stopped and the doors opened to reveal a face he hadn’t seen in years. Lisa stepped in, in full uniform. Jack wanted to smile at the idea of Ianto dating another soldier but his jealousy was too strong. They carried on up the floors in silence till it stopped at the tenth floor, where Lisa got off. She didn’t spare him a glance and Jack wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or insulted. There weren’t many people in the world that didn’t check him out at least once. The doors slammed shut and the numbers began rolling again, finally they opened to reveal the carnage of bare wires and missing walls. Jack stepped out onto the ugly grey carpet and groaned. The hub looked better than this place and it’s a storm drain. - Well, pretty much. He took a few more minutes to look around, trying to find the best spot to hide away from sight when the war started. He found it in the form of a janitor’s closet. The irony didn’t escape him, dragging Ianto back into the closet after being the one to drag him out of it in the first place. Oh yeah, most defiantly irony.

 

Jack slumped down against the wall and looked at his watch. “Twenty minutes to show time. - Time to call the tea boy.”

Jack used his wrist device to send a message to Ianto. Thankful the man had seen fit to give him his number. He read it through before sending.

 

 

MSG: IANTO JONES

YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.

MEET ME, 15THFLOOR.

NOW.

JACK XX

 

 

Now all he had to do was wait. He didn’t doubt the man would show, even if it was to demand to know how he’d gotten inside Torchwood.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

 

Turns out that’s exactly what Ianto came to ask him, the lift doors were barely close before he was snapping Jack’s head off. “What the _hell_ are you doing here? - How did you get in? - This is a secure building, only authorized personnel are allowed in here!”

Jack couldn’t help but grin at him, he was always so cute when flustered and confused and angry. “I am authorized, gorgeous. How else do you think I’d have seen you in a suit.” he winked.

Ianto flushed. “I - Prove it.” he snapped cautiously.

 

Jack walked towards him with a gleam in his eyes as he fished out the ID from his wallet; he stopped directly in front of Ianto, leaving almost no room for so much as a breeze to come between them. Ianto took the thin piece of plastic and looked down at it. **Captain Jack Harkness. Torchwood Three. Cardiff. Level 1 Clearance.** He met Jack gaze with wide blue eyes.

“You’re…” his brows furrowed.

“Torchwood, yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 _For a thousand reason_. “Because we were kinda busy.” Jack smirked, making his point by grabbing his tea-boys crouch, causing him squeal and blush crimson.

Swallowing hard, Ianto handed back the card. “So what do you want with me?”

Jack lifted a brow that turned Ianto’s already red face almost purple with embarrassment. “I’m working _Sir_.”

 

 _Sir_. The word sent a shiver right though Jack’s body, impaling his heart. He’d missed that word on those lips. No one said it the same way Ianto did, and sometime it was painful to hear it spoke at all. Jack’s face turned serious as his wrist strap bleeped.

“You need to take your insulin.” Ianto reminded him like it was his job, causing Jack’s heart to tighten, without even a thought he grabbed the Welshman by his suit jacket and crushed his mouth down.

 

Ianto didn’t fight, didn’t complain, he just let himself be kissed. When Jack pulled back he looking up with wide eyed confusion. “Don’t you think you should take…”

“Ianto I need you to do something for me, without question or comment.”

The Welshman frowned cautiously. “What?”

“I need you to stay here, in this room with me.”

“What? Jack, I’m working. I need to….”

“No, you need to stay here. Safe.” Jack was talking quickly, growing desperate. It was time. As they stood there speaking, the void was being opened, soon the planet would be awash with Cybermen, less than an hour after that the Dalek’s would arrive. - Then the war would begin and they were right at its center.

“Jack, you’re scaring me, what the hell’s going on?”

 

On cue the building began to shake. Ianto’s head shot around, panic in his gaze. “What’s happening?”

“Ianto. You need to stay here. It’s the safest place for you.”

The young Welshman was already running towards the lift. “I need to get to Liza.”

 

Jack wanted to let him go, let him save the woman but he knew he couldn’t, history had to have its way, even if it broke Ianto’s heart. He ran after him, grabbing his jacket sleeve, holding tight, spinning him to meet his gaze. “I can’t let you go out there Ianto. It’s too dangerous.”

“I have to save Lisa. - She’s my girlfriend. - I love her.” Ianto panicked, trying to pull out of the American’s grasp.

 

Those words tore at Jack’s chest. He knew the man meant them and he knew that his love for Lisa would eventually lead him back to Jack, but it still hurt. “I know Ianto but you can’t go down there. - I can’t let you.”

Anger flared in Ianto’s eyes and Jack was suddenly filled with a feeling of déjà vu, though whether it was déjà vu when the event hadn’t happened yet was a question for another time, but right now Jack felt like he was reliving that night in the hub when they’d discovered Ianto had been hiding his cyber-woman girlfriend in the basement.

 

“You can’t stop me!” he shouted, taking a swing at Jack.

The captain did the only thing he could think of doing, he swung back, knocking his lover out cold. Jack caught Ianto’s body before it hit the ground and dragged it back further into the room. Laying him down on the dirty stained carpet, he pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Sorry gorgeous, ya didn’t give me a choice.”

 

Sitting back on his heel Jack sighed. Now it was just a matter of time, waiting for the battle to start, waiting for the Cybermen to begin losing. When that happened, Lisa would be taken, converted, Ianto would drag her from the building before anyone could discover her. But before that, Jack had one thing he had to do. Find the Secnarf recorder. It was the only thing he could think of that would wipe himself from Ianto’s memory completely. He just had to reach it without being seen by the Doctor, the Cybermen or the Dalek’s. - Easy.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Easy was far from the word. It didn’t take Jack long to realise that his fifteenth floor foxhole wasn’t going to work, not with the large floor to ceiling windows and with the sky soon to be filled with Daleks. He wanted to kick himself for ever thinking it was a good idea. Luckily Jack knew there was at least one place within the walls of Torchwood that would be safe. In fact it was the safest place on earth. He just had to locate it and get to it without getting caught by anyone, easier said than done.

 

After a few minutes fiddling with his vortex-manipulator he’d finally been able to figure out where Torchwood was keeping the Tardis. It was being kept in sub-basement 3. Now Jack had to get there. Throwing the unconscious Welshman over his shoulder, Jack marched to the lifts. He was forced to use his advanced technology to get the thing working, Torchwood having cut power to them in an attempt to slow the Cybermen. In less than five minutes they reached the sub-basement, with Ianto once more over his shoulder, Jack left the metal box and went in search of a blue one.

 

Turned out Torchwood was determined to secure it, having assigned two guards, despite the madness going on around them. Of course Jack had more than a couple of life time’s taking down soldiers, two little Torchwood guards where nothing. With the two men unconscious at the base of the box, Jack’s hand fished around in his pocket for the key he’d never let out of his sight. Only the Doctor’s most loyal companions had a key to the Tardis.

 

Sliding it into the lock, Jack opened the door before carrying Ianto over the threshold. Settling him slowly on the floor, he took a moment to look around, smiling at the large room. In some ways the Tardis was like home. Taking a breath, Jack turned to drag in the two guards; he wasn’t going to leave them outside to face the Cybermen.

 

Making sure all three men were comfortable, Jack settled down beside Ianto, pulling his dark head into his lap and rested his own back against the beams, his eyes drifting closed. He knew he had to go in search of the Secnarf recorder, but right now he just wanted to rest. Ianto wasn’t exactly light.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

After a long while, Jack lent down to press a kiss to the younger man before settling him cautiously on the floor and getting to his feet. He once again took in his surroundings, strolling slowly around the central console, his hands gliding over its humming coolness. He paused for a few moments when he caught sight of a forgotten denim jacket.

 

Lifting it to his nose, he took a deep breath. Like everyone in the universe, Rose had her own unique scent and on many occasions Jack had missed smelling it. She’d become during their short time together like the kid sister he’d never had. That thought had often led to thoughts of Grey. He felt his heart clench. Today would be the Doctor and Rose’s last day together for a long, long time. His gaze shifted to Ianto and he exhaled sadly. The Doctor could never know just how much he understood what he was going to go through. Jack wasn’t sure whether what he had with Ianto was even a spec of what the Doctor and Rose shared, but it had hurt to lose him.

 

With a deep breath, Jack gently folded Rose’s jacket and put it back in place. Glancing over at the two unconscious Torchwood soldiers he heaved a deep resigned sigh. Walking calmly over to the two men, he began searching their pockets, retrieving two sets of plastic handcuffs, shifting the two men Jack securing them with one set to the post behind them. Ianto was next; secured to the base of the doctor’s chair. As he pulled the plastic strip tight, he murmured an apology to his lover before pressed another kiss to the man’s forehead and getting to his feet

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

He cautiously made his way through the vaults of Torchwood One. He knew exactly where the Secnarf recorder was from the inventory himself, Suzie and Owen had made when they’d arrived to secure the site. Most of what they’d collected was sent to a secret storage unit, only a few things would be taken back to Torchwood Three. One of which would be parts of a cyber-conversion unit, not a whole one, that would be just too dangerous, but enough for them to investigate and deconstruct. His past self would have no idea just what taking that unit would mean, who it would bring into his life.

 

Pushing the memories to the back of his mind, Jack rushed from corridor to corridor, thankful that the Cybermen were too busy to patrol the basements, and that the Doctor and Rose were currently distracted dealing with the threat above him. He finally reached X3-02.

 

Swiping his card through the security lock and providing an iris scan, the door opened with a whoosh of air. Jack didn’t wait, didn’t take a look around, he ran to the back of the room and pulled the large locked box off the shelf, thankful that the scientist of Torchwood had no idea just what it was, if they had, it would have been a thousand times harder to get to.

 

He returned to the Tardis to find her guests still unconscious. The door slammed shut behind him as he entered, heading straight for the control console, dropping the heavy box on the floor with a bang, he forced the lock and began to pull out the device.

 

It was a small disk shaped laptop style machine, about the size of a dinner plate, though not as flat. It was surprisingly light, which would have surprised anyone carrying the box, which had been double the weight of its contents. It appeared smooth at first glance but when Jack pressed his fingers in a certain pattern on its surface it seemed to come alive and light up, a gentle humming sound filling the room. Torchwood had mistaken the sound for music and figured it was some type of Alien car stereo. _Idiots_. Jack always loved it when the human’s he’d worked for, for over a hundred years, got it so spectacle wrong and he wasn’t one to correct them unless necessary. He’d learnt long ago that earth just wasn’t ready for a lot of the things it found it’s in possession.

 

With the device resting on the console beside a thousand buttons and levers that Jack didn’t think the Doctor even knew what to do with, he turned his attention to the Tardis. He would need her help if he was going to pull his plan off. He brushed the back of his fingers flirtatiously against the metal. “Hey sweetheart, just as beautiful as I remember.” he smiled up at the blue glow that ran up through the center of the console. “I’m going to need your help here.” his tone as seductive as his touch.

 

The Doctor had always referred to the Tardis as a woman and if there was one thing Jack Harkness knew how to do, it was flirt with woman. Hell, Jack could flirt with a lamp post and turn it on, or at least that’s what Ianto had said.

 

The blue glow brightened then dimmed as if in answer to Jack, it hummed and groaned and Jack could almost imagine that if she had eyes they would currently be glaring at him for even attempting to flirt with her. Laughing to himself, he dropped his hand and forced them in his pockets. “Alright, I’m sorry, I’ll quit with the sweet talk. But you’re going to help me right? You know what will happen if…” his gaze dropped to the sleeping young man.

 

The Tardis made a sound that Jack instantly knew was disapproval and he hung his head. “I know, I know. I shouldn’t have come back here, but I… I just had to see him again.” he bemoaned. “You don’t understand.”

 _‘I do understand, better than you realize_.’ She seemed to say back to him.

Jack lifted his gaze to the blue. “I don’t want to do this.” he whispered sadly.

 _‘I know Jack, but you cannot hold on to him forever_.’ Her voice hummed.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat, his chest tightening at the thought of losing Ianto all over again.

‘You need to grieve Jack. You need to say goodbye.’

“I know.”

 

Jack grew silent for a long while, just staring down at the console beneath his hands.

“It’s not fair.” he finally said, anger tainting his voice. “Why must I keep losing people? How is that in anyway fair?”

‘I know it is a human cliché Jack, but life isn’t fair.’

“Why can’t I save him? Just once, why can’t I keep someone I love?” his heart skipped as he finally let the word slip from his lips, the single word he hadn’t only been unable to say, but unwilling to admit, even when he knew it was all the younger man had wanted to hear. There was no humming voice in his head. No answer to his question, because there was no answer to such a heartbreaking question.

 

“Jack?” groaned familiar Welsh vowel.

Jack turned to look down at Ianto as he sat up, his left arm still secured to the seat beside him.

“Jack, what the hell?” the Welshman snapped, looking from Jack to the plastic strip encasing his wrist, his right hand rubbing his head. “Where the blood hell am I?”

Jack swallowed and knelt down in front of him. “Somewhere save. - The tower’s under attack.” he informed him cautiously.

“What!” Ianto yelled, his eye burning into Jack. “Oh god Lisa, let me go Jack, I need to get to Lisa.” he tugged on his wrist to no avail.

 

Jack hated the desperation in Ianto’s eye and voice, it brought back to many memories. Reminding him of the day they’d discovered his secret, the day they’d found Lisa Hallet in the basement of the Hub. It brought back the hate and anger and pain in Ianto’s eyes as they’d killed her in front of him. He’d never thought the younger man would ever forgive him for that day. “I can’t let you go Ianto. Not yet.” Jack sighed sadly, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Please Jack, please, just let me go. I need to save her.” Ianto pleaded, looking at Jack with those pale blue eyes glistening in the blue and amber glow of the Tardis, those eyes that would break Jack’s heart on more than one occasion.

 

He swallowed harder, the tightness in his throat increasing. “I - I’m sorry Ianto, I can’t. I _really_ can’t.” he coughed to clear his throat and got to his feet. “The future depends on it.”

“What? Jack _please_. Just let me go and help them.”

Jack was shaking his head as he worked at the Secnarf recorder.

 

Ianto glanced around the large golden room, spotting two unconscious Torchwood guards across the large space, also bound. His gaze snapped up to Jack and his heart froze. “Oh, god… what are you?” he gasped with anger.

Jack’s head snapped around, his blue gaze meeting Ianto’s with a shadow of hurt.

 _‘Tell him Jack. He won’t remember anything once we’re finished. - Tell him what you need to tell him.’_ the Tardis hummed into Jack’s head.

 

“What am I? That’s a long and difficult explanation Ianto.”

“Are you….human?” he stuttered.

“No.”

Ianto’s mouth fell open and he stared at Jack with disbelief. “What?”

Jack sighed, turning full to face him, dropping down to sit on the floor. “I’m not human, not completely distantly human.” he smiled softly at the younger man. “I come from a different time, a long way in the future.” Ianto’s eyes widened and Jack couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. “I always love the way your eyes sparkle when I surprise you. It reminds me of our first…” he shook his head. “Only it’s wasn’t out first, well it was but it wasn’t.” Jack said, mostly to himself.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ianto’s tone boarding on panicked.

“Sorry, thinking about you tends to side track me.” he smiled flirtatiously, but there was still sadness behind it. “Explanations before sex this time hey.”

“How about we just go for the explanation.” Ianto snapped angrily, ignoring the sadness in Jack’s tone and eyes, not caring why it was there or why it seemed focused on him.

 

Jack inhaled deeply and exhaled in a rush of pain. “Fine. – Explanation, the short version. I broke the rules because I needed to see you again.”

Ianto just stared.

“Too short?”

Ianto nodded.

“Alright…” Jack got to his feet and walked back to the Secnarf recorder. “I’m here at this precise moment to keep you alive and wipe your memory so that in six months you can walk into my life and ultimately shatter my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think, your reviews are my addiction.
> 
> Alright let me fill you in on something, namely how I figured out when the battle of Canary Wharf took place. Well it's like this. When the Doctor and Rose return for their visit it’s daytime and very sunny. When the Doctor discovers the 'Ghosts' and begins to flick though the TV he hits on Eastenders. Now, Eastenders for those who are not from here is only on four days a week (Mon & Fri - 8PM and Tue & Thur - 7:30PM) with an omnibus on Sundays between 12 - 3PM. Ok, with me so far? Good. Right. So my next clue came from my Official Doctor Who Time Traveller's Almanac. (yes I actually have one) Which says that the 'Ghost shifts' happen twice a day at 12PM and 7PM. Next: When the Doctor arrives at Torchwood Tower, they are preparing for the second 'Ghost Shift' which means that it's 7PM, there by the first one the Doctor and Rose witness was at 12PM. So
> 
> Eastenders + First 'Ghost shift' = Sunday.
> 
> And the month? Well, it's still nice and sunny when the battle of Canary Wharf starts which we've already established is some time after 7PM. Now as you may or may not know for it to be that sunny after 7PM it has to be summer which leads to some point between May - September. I decided to go with August. Just cause.
> 
> And I can’t remember if Lisa’s job at Torchwood was ever mentioned so I went with making her a soldier. Just because Ianto clearly has a uniform fetish ;) rofl.
> 
> X3-02 is a Stargate reference because I needed a number for the vault and honestly it was the first thing that popped into my head.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack didn’t look at Ianto when he spoke, he sounded even to his own ears like some deranged romance novel, but it was the truth and he wanted Ianto to know, especially as it was their last few hours together.

“You’re crazy. What the…”

“I’m sure I sound crazy, but it’s the truth. - In six month’s you’re going to track me down to Torchwood Three and we’re going to…beginning this all over again.”

“What?” Ianto shook his head as if trying to wake himself up from whatever crazy dream he’d fallen into. “Why?”

 

Jack didn’t want to tell him the why, but he had little option. “To save Lisa.”

“Lisa?”

Jack nodded. “She’s going to…when you find her she’ll be practically converted to a Cyberman. You bring her to Torchwood because we’ll have part of a conversion unit that you’ll need to keep her alive until you’re able to find someone to help you.”

Ianto was pale and shaking. “Let me go Jack.” He yelled.

“No.” Jack said harshly. “I can’t change history Ianto. - I can’t just let you go and save her now.”

“Why the hell not? - If I get to her before she’s…‘converted’ then…” he paused as realisation dawned. “Then I won’t need to come to Torchwood Three.” he mumbled. “And I won’t…” he gaze snapped up to burn into Jack’s. “You selfish bastard!” he yelled, pulling at his wrist once again. “You’re doing this so I’ll come looking for you, so what, we can be together? Never going to happen! Not now, not ever!”

 

Jack felt his gut tighten painfully and his heart constrict at the younger man’s harsh accusations, but he knew that on some level it was all true. “That’s not why. You’re important, not just to me but to the world, to the future, I can’t alter that no matter how much I want to, and Lord knows I want to. - But your right, I have been selfish and that’s why we’re currently stuck in this situation. I’d selfishly wanted to see you again, I’d selfishly wanted a second chance.” he shook his head, bracing himself against the sides of the console. “I’d selfishly wanted to kiss you and touch you and hear your beautiful voice one last time. - And it was only meant to be one time. Just one last goodbye, but I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t give you up, not again. So I kept coming back, I kept searching you out and now, I’ve fucked it up because you remember and now I have to make you forget.”

 

“Remember? Forget?” Ianto frowned, his slightly watery gaze never leaving Jack’s. There was just something in his voice, a pain that stabbed right to the heart of Ianto. “You’re not making any sense Jack.”

“I know.” he sighed, turning a broken smile on the man. “That’s the problem with time travel, it never makes sense.”

Ianto slumped back against the chair and rubbed the back of his neck. “Alright Jack, so you’ve travelled back in time to be with me. Why?” he wasn’t sure he wanted to know but he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

 

Jack stood silently staring at the blue glow. He didn’t want to tell Ianto about his death, about how they’d stood side by side and faced death together. How he’d woken up alone and heartbroken knowing how he’d lost the younger man. He didn’t think Ianto needed, wanted or deserved to know that was what his future held. “Because I could.” he said instead.

“But why? Why come back? - You said I’d shattered your heart; you talk like you’d lost me or something. Did we…” he shook his head. “If I came to Torchwood to save Lisa then…” one look at Jack face answered a question he hadn’t even thought of yet. “Oh my god.” tears welled in his eyes and he dropped his face into his free palm, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed over a lost love he hadn’t even lost yet.

 

Jack turned away from the sight; it had been hard enough to witness the first time. He glanced at the two young soldiers and sighed when he found they were both still unconscious. It was rather a miracle considering the yelling happening around them.

“How?” Ianto asked with a tear logged voice.

Jack didn’t turn back; he didn’t want to see that pain. “T-there was no saving her. She was t-too far gone. I’m sorry.” he heard the man break down once more and he hated himself anew. He didn’t want this. This hadn’t been his plan. It was all meant to be so much simpler.

‘It was never going to be simple Jack. This was always going to end in heartbreak. You couldn’t keep this up forever.’

He knew that, he’d always known that. But admitting it, facing it, that was different. He’d fooled himself into believing that he could do this without hurting anyone, not even himself. Jack turned his attention to the device. He would regret this course of action for a lifetime, as many as he had in him. He’d been selfish and foolish and blinded by his grief.

 

There was silence in the Tardis for what felt like hours. She wasn’t even talking to him. Jack just stood there fiddling aimlessly with the device waiting for the moment when he would turn it on Ianto and wipe away their time together.

“W-what is that?” Ianto asked gently, his voice rough and tight.

“It’s a device to capture information.” Jack stated matter-of-factly.

“What kind of information?”

Jack paused for a moment. “Memories.”

“What?”

“As I said, I need to fix my mistake.”

“You’re going to wipe me from your memory.” Ianto said, a little hurt, insulted and panicked.

Jack turned wide watery blue eyes on him. “Never! - I already….” he shook his head, he couldn’t tell him that’s he’d already promised never to forget him. It would lead to a question he didn’t want to answer. “No. I’m going to wipe me from yours.”

“What!” Ianto yelled again. “W-Wha….Why…?”

“Because you can’t remember who I am Ianto. We have to meet for the first time in six months when you arrive in Cardiff.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?”

Jack shook his head. “Not where the future is involved no. - You should never have remembered me. You…you should have forgotten me after that night in the alley…If I’d known, if I’d suspected that the Retcon hadn’t worked I would have fixed it sooner.”

“Ret-con?”

Jack lifted his chin and met Ianto’s gaze, knowing what he said next would make the younger man furious. “Amnesia drug.” he pulled the small pot Ianto had found earlier out of his pocket and shook it, the small white pill resounding off the plastic.

 

Ianto glared at him, he wasn’t even trying to hide his fury, it was there in his eyes. Jack had rarely seen Ianto angry, the man was just such a calm and collected person usually, but from the few occasions he had experienced the younger man’s anger, he knew that he was beyond intimidating. He waited for the shouting, the accusations, the outpouring of rage and hate, but strangely Ianto just sat there shaking.

“You were going to…?” Ianto paused for a long moment. “After we’d, you were going to make me forget?”

Jack shrugged nonchalantly, though his insides were tearing. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“I’ve told you, I can’t allow you to remember.”

“No. I mean why do it in the first place?”

Jack swallowed, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Tell me Jack. I think if you’re going to wipe my memory then I have a right to know why.”

‘Tell him Jack. You need to tell him.’

How was he meant to do that? How could he tell the man that in just under three years’ time he would be dead? He couldn’t.

 _‘He doesn’t need to know all of that Jack, just tell him why you’ve done all this. - Why you came back to him time and again. - Admit it to yourself.’_ the Tardis hummed.

Jack’s breath hitched and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Jack?”

 

An explosion rocked the Tardis and Jack ran to the screen, hitting dials and pulling levers till he was shown what was happening outside. The war between the Dalek’s and the Cybermen had really begun. Explosions were going off all around them. There wasn’t much time left.

“What is it?” Ianto asked, craning his neck to see the screen.

“Happy Hour.” Jack smirked.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s not important.” he rushed around to the device. “It’s almost time, The Doctor will have everything fixed soon, we need to get this done.” his tone had turned professional, cool and hard. “After I’ve wiped me from your memory, you can go find Lisa, get her out of the building before my team arrives to secure the site.” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Jack. - You can’t do this. - I - I don’t want to forget.”

Jack’s posture stiffened and he swallowed back the pain. “Y-you have to Ianto. I’m sorry. I - I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“Then don’t do it.” Ianto said a little panicked. “Just let me go, we can save Lisa and then….”

Jack turned. “Then what? Be together? Live happily ever after?” he scoffed with a smirk. “Never going to happen. We’re not destined for a happy ever after Ianto, neither of us. - The most we can hope for is a few happy years.”

“Jack, we could. Just let me go.”

“And what about the future?”

“What about it. It hasn’t happened yet.”

 

Jack shook his head. Ianto couldn’t understand the far reaching ramifications of what he was asking. He hadn’t seen what was out there, hadn’t seen what one little change to the timeline could do. As usual it was down to Jack to make the hard decision, make the sacrifice. “You know once upon a time I wouldn’t have. I’d have taken what I wanted and not given a damn about what it meant for the future.” Jack informed Ianto sadly. “Sometimes I wish I could still think like that.”

“What changed?” Ianto queried.

“I met this couple, this wonderful man and woman who showed me I was better than that. They proved to me that I wasn’t as selfish and heartless as I’d always thought. - Then I died, so many times….” Jack continued, gazing off into the distance. “…and then I realised that it was my place to protect this planet, these people, even when it cost me people I care about. I had to put humanity first.”

“Jack.” Ianto called softly.

The older man turned and meet Ianto’s soft blue eyes. “I need to fix this Ianto. I know it’s not fair, I know it’s all my fault, but the future can’t be changed for me.”

“Jack.”

“Yeah.”

“Just do one thing for me.”

“What?”

“Tell me _why_?”

 

Jack closed his eyes and walked forward, dropping into a crouch in front of the younger man, meeting his gaze intently, his hand brushing against his cheek, savouring the warmth he found there. “Because I made a mistake, because I lost you and I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until it was too late.”

“Jack….am I…?” tears welled in Ianto’s eyes and he fought to speak. “Did I…? Am I…?” he couldn’t breathe with the pounding of his heart, the fear that gripped his soul in an icy hold. “Dead?”

 

Jack looked into those fearful, pained eyes and smiled. “You could never die Ianto, you’re much too stubborn. - I just didn’t keep hold of you.” he lied so easily that it broke his heart, but the look of relief in the younger man’s eyes was reward enough for the deception.

 

Ianto heaved a sigh of relief and slouched, the fear and ice dissipating into nothingness, but there was still something in Jack gaze that unnerved him. Something told him there was something Jack wasn’t saying. “Jack?”

The man was on his feet again, heading back to retrieve the device, bring it over to Ianto. He placed it on the floor and began pressing the lights. “It won’t hurt; you won’t even know it’s happening.” Jack lifted Ianto’s free hand, Ianto tried to pull away but Jack wouldn’t let him. “It’s alright Ianto, I swear, you’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to do this Jack; I don’t want to forget you.”

Jack swallowed hard, ignoring the younger man’s pleas.

“Jack, please. Just forget all this; let’s just get out of here.”

“Just breathe Ianto.” Jack ordered with a tight throat and tears stinging his eyes. “In a few moments it’ll all be over and you can go save Lisa.”

“But… But I don’t…Jack I…”

 

Jack looked at him. “Six months. In six months we will be together again.”

“But I won’t know you.”

“It’s for the best, because I won’t know you either. We can start afresh.”

“But Lisa? And it won’t last. I’ll leave you.” Ianto’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

“I know, but trust me when I say, the time we have together is worth every second.”

“But we could have more, if we go now, we could…”

Jack shook his head. “It would never work Ianto. Trust me, this is our only option. We have to finish this now. We have to say goodbye.”

Ianto shook his head, his eyes closed tightly. “I don’t want to say goodbye. I hate them.”

Jack laughed sadly. “Me too. - I’ve had too many, but saying it to you was the worst. - But it has to be done Ianto.”

 

They sat silently staring at each other, more noise slipping in from outside. Gunfire, explosions, growing louder, closer. They were swiftly running out of time.

‘Tell him Jack. Its what all this has been about, so tell him’

Jack shook his head, wishing she would leave him in peace. He gently squeezed the hand he was still holding before placing it on top of the cool metal. “Ianto, I need you to think about me, about our time together. Picture it all in your mind.”

Ianto shook his head. “No. I don’t want to do this. I won’t.” he said stubbornly. “You can’t make me think about it.”

 

Jack gave him an ill-timed, flirtatious smile, the one he’d used countless times on him in bars. “Oh Ianto, Ianto, Ianto, for future reference you should know, I love a challenge.” with that Jack’s mouth crushed down over his lovers, his hands clinging to the man’s face as he fed everything into the kiss, drawing out the memories from Ianto’s reluctant brain.

 

And it worked, as Ianto sank deeper and deeper into Jack’s kiss the memories flooded through his mind as if they were being drawn to the service. It started with their most recent conversations, the one from only a few moments ago, back to a few hours. Then they were in the hotel together, talking, kissing, touching. It was all happening backwards, like a video stuck on rewind and no matter how much Ianto wanted to stop it be couldn’t. They kept coming. Image after image. The cab, the bar. Jack walking away from him out of a darkened alleyway, Jack’s lips pressed to the back of his neck, Jack kissing him, touching him, flirting with him. Back and Back to the moment Jack first caught Ianto’s eye in the pub.

 

Jack pulled back, Ianto’s eyes snapped open, looking up at him with a slight glow of innocents. The look Jack had seen there when they’d first met, the hundred times they’d first met. He knew what that look meant and seeing it broke him in two. His thumb stroked gently at the man’s cheek, his lips hovered dangerously close to Ianto.

‘Tell him now!’

“Ianto, no matter what you forget, no matter what I do or say in the future, remember one thing. - I love you.”

Then he was gone. His body fell limply into Jack’s arms, unconscious. When he woke up he would remember nothing of their time together, but Jack hoped he’d remember what he’d said, even if he didn’t know who had said the words.

 

“Six months Ianto.” he whispered into the man’s ear. “I will see you in six months.”

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Everything after that went exactly as it was meant to. He’d left Ianto and the two semi-conscious guards in a secure room, knowing Ianto would wake up panicked and disorientated and would go in search of Lisa, who he’d find half converted somewhere in the building and drag her to safety. After leaving Ianto, Jack had returned to the Tardis, knowing as he did that once the void was open it was the only safe place for him. When it was over he would return the Secnarf device to its storage unit but till then he clean the large blue box, ensuring that the Doctor would not know he’d been there. Twenty minutes later it was all over. Before he left he took a moment, settling back in the Doctor’s chair and allowing the grief he’d been fighting off for months to consume him. The gentle hum of the Tardis like a mothers comforting voice in his head.

‘You will be fine Jack. You have a great destiny ahead of you.’

“I don’t want it. - I don’t want any of this. It’s too much to deal with alone.”

‘You are not alone Jack.’

Jack scoffed. “If you mean the Doctor, it’s not the same. - I haven‘t seen him in years.”

‘I understand. - Maybe one day you will find someone to see you through the pain’

“Only to lose them too. I will continue to lose the people I love over and over again, until I finally die. _If_ I ever do.” he turned angry eyes on the blue glow. “Why did you do this to me? Why!” he yelled.

‘There is a purpose for everything Jack. - I did not do this to you, Rose’s love for you brought you back.’

Jack shook his head angrily. “I should have stayed a conman; you all should have let me die with that bomb.”

‘Would you really have wanted that Jack? - To have died.’

“It would have hurt a lot less.”

‘Then you would never have met all those people you have loved.’

“And most of them would still be alive. Ianto would still be alive.”

‘That is not true Jack, you know it is not. They would have simply died in a different way. Ianto would have died here at the hands of the Cybermen.’

Jack shook his head. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to blame himself and others for Ianto’s death. - For Tosh, For Owen, For Suzi and the countless others before them. But he knew the Tardis had a point, they would have died with or without him.

 

Jack got to his feet with a world weary sigh, running a hand over the jacket that sat on the console. “Take care of him.”

‘I always take care of my doctor. - And his friends’

Jack smiled at the glowing tube. “You know something? You’d make a hell of a woman.” he smiled. “Of course, you make a hell of a Tardis.” he winked flirtatiously and laughed. “I guess I’ll see you both around. I’m sure this isn’t the last time we’ll meet.”

‘We will meet many time Jack Harkness, for many more adventures.’

“Sounds like fun.” he didn’t sound convinced. Taking a finally look around; he made his way to the door.

 _‘You will not always be alone Jack.’_ the Tardis whispered.

Jack smiled softly to himself. “Yes I will.”

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Jack stood across the street in the shadows, watching Suzi and Owen walk into the remnants of Canary Wharf. In the shadows on the other side of the street a painfully familiar figure, watching the same scene unfold.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Six Months Later

Cardiff.

 

 

He didn’t know if this was going to work. Lisa had said it would and somewhere in the back of his head another inscribable voice said he was meant to be here. It had been six months since the battle of Canary Wharf and Ianto was no closer to finding a way to save Lisa. This was their last chance. He’d watched the members of Torchwood Three arrive at the Wharf, he’d watched them remove crate after crate and he’d known then that they were his only hope. It hadn’t taken him long to discover who was in charge of the unit and almost the instant he’d seen the picture of Captain Jack Harkness the plan was made. He’d go home to Cardiff, get a job with them and use what they’d salvaged to save Lisa. All he had to do now was get noticed. Luckily a weevil was on hand to make the introductions.

 

He’d been following Jack Harkness for almost an hour, just waiting for the chance to approach him. When he’d seen the weevil he’d know it was the perfect opportunity, help the man capture the thing, prove that he was up to the job, get his foot in the door. It was all so easy. The moment Jack had fallen, allowing the weevil to get the upper hand Ianto had made his move, rushing into the fray with a lead pipe in hand, drawing the things attention away from the Captain and did he ever gain it’s attention. The monster went for him with teeth bared; luckily his distraction had given Jack the opening he’d needed to regain control, allowing him to sedate the creature.

 

“Thanks.” Ianto said leaning again the nearby tree, his gaze locked on the man in front of him.

“No thank you.”

The moment Ianto’s eyes met the American’s, something flashed in the back of his mind, like a half remembered dream. He felt his heart tighten in his chest. He couldn’t rip his gaze away from him.

“And you are?” Jack inquired, watching the man curiously.

“Jones, Ianto Jones.” he took a step forward, the pounding of his heart having nothing to do with the fight he’d just had with the weevil. He continued to stare at Jack, a vague feeling that they’d already met somewhere before, though he knew that was impossible.

“Nice to meet you Jones, Ianto Jones.” Jack took his hand, shaking it forcefully. “Captain Jack Harkness.”

Ianto’s heart jumped at the casual touch, the older man’s palm felt warm and rough and hauntingly familiar. “Lucky escape.” he said, tearing his attention away from the American.

“I had it under control.” Jack insisted causally.

“Think so? Looked pretty vicious.” Ianto glazed at Jack as the urge to touch him rushed to the surface. “You’re um huh….” he reached out to him, under the guise of checking the wound on Jack’s neck, but all he really wanted was to touch. - Much to Ianto regret Jack dodged out of the way. “You were…bleeding.”

“Had worse from shaving.”

Ianto turned away, unable to understand what he was feeling. Why Jack Harkness flinching from his touch hurt. It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t like they knew each other, it wasn’t like they had history.

 

“Looks like a weevil to me.” Ianto said, remembering why he was there. He needed to get into Torchwood, to save Lisa.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jack shook his head dismissively.

Ianto looked up from the Weevil with a smirk and a knowing look.

“I’ll take it from here.” Jack said, lifting the creature off the ground. “Thanks for the assistance.”

“Anytime.” Ianto watched him walk away, another flash resounding in his mind. “By the way, love the coat.” he smirked.

 

He _would_ get in Torchwood, no matter what. He had to, for Lisa. But part of Ianto wanted inside Torchwood for another reason, one he couldn’t explain, one that would have him shaking with fear and confusion as he walked away from Jack Harkness twenty four hours later. He wanted in so he could be close to Jack, because for some shameful and inexplicable reason he couldn’t get the image of kissing him out of his head.

 

 

 

 

___ **TORCHWOOD** ___

 

 

 

 

Two Years and Two Months Later

 

Jack walked into the Hub feeling drained, tired and broken. It was dark and cold and still didn’t feel like home. He took in the surroundings. It looked the same, he’d made sure of that but there was a warmth missing that he knew could never be replaced. He walked slowly back to his office and dropped into his high back chair. His head falling forward into his hands as he heaved a heart weary sigh. It was over. There was no more chances for him to see Ianto again. It was time for him to accept that fate had dealt her hand and taken yet another love from him. He would just have to carry on. He’d done it before, he could do it again. He’d love again, history had proven that, but no matter who or when, Ianto would always hold a special place in his heart. The man may never have known it, but he really had been loved by Captain Jack Harkness.

 

THE END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that’s it. - Would like to Thank you all for reading and for the wonderful reviews, I’ve loved reading them. Sorry this was so depressing but yeah couldn’t be helped. It was rather upsetting to write, I had to fight not to give it a happy ending but that just wouldn’t have worked for the story, and for those wondering about Daniel. Sorry, red herring. He was meant to have a reason for being there, but as I wrote on, it became evident I wasn’t going to do the miracle ending were everything gets fixed and Ianto survives. Sorry.
> 
> Love and huge hugs to you all, will see you again soon.
> 
> GATERGIRL
> 
> xxx

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think. You're reviews are my addiction. The Alley scene was slightly inspired by a picture I saw on DeviantART.


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